Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Practice Report: Takeaways From Start of Second Week of OTAs - Baltimore Ravens

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I can count

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Strawberry Moon 2025: June’s full moon to light up the sky this month- know date, time, and the science b - Times of India

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

If You Have an Asus Router, You Need to Check If It's Been Hacked - Lifehacker

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I can read

What are your thoughts on the trend of Americans labeling themselves as "TikTok refugees" and migrating to the Chinese social media platform RedNote (Xiaohongshu)?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Nostalgic Tunes Trigger Stronger Urge to Dance Than Familiar Hits - Neuroscience News

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

How do you feel about the impending end of what Donald Trump calls "the Green New scam"?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

What is the significance of Pete Rose, the all-time hits leader in Major League Baseball, who just passed away?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have a reading level above third grade

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

A New Law of Nature Attempts to Explain the Complexity of the Universe - WIRED

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy bullshit

India to Open Flagship EV Making Policy to Lure Global Giants - Bloomberg

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

NASA Mars Orbiter Captures Volcano Peeking Above Morning Cloud Tops - NASA (.gov)

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

Housing market tide is turning as home prices fall in top cities - Fortune

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What is the rudest/meanest thing a family member has said to you?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

The Roots Picnic 2025 in Philly Was a Completely Preventable Dumpster Fire, and Questlove Responds - The Root

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

My son is possessed, now he has psychosis. Can someone help me?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I see through liars

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.